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The Habit of Nagging in Women

"The first thing a woman is called to account for on the Day of Judgment are her prayers and her relations with her husband".

By Maryam Hedayat | islam.ru | 21 Aug 2014

A woman is believed to be the beauty, charm and attraction of the world.  She is valued to be one of the amazing creations of the Almighty. But still it is said that most of the hell’s inhabitants will be women. How?

Why a woman being the most gentle, caring and sympathetic, is supposed to be the most ungrateful, and unthankful as a wife?

It was narrated by 'Abd-Allah ibn 'Abbas that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: "I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its dwellers are women."

He asked, "Why? O Messenger of Allah (pbuh)."

He said, "Because of their ingratitude (kufr)."

It was said, "Are they ungrateful to Allah?"

He (pbuh) said, "They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment, if you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one undesirable thing in you, she will say, 'I have never had anything good from you.'" (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1052)

Perhaps most women are always nagging and complaining to their husbands. They are never contented and pleased to their husbands. Annoying, vexing, and never to be thankful to their husbands are the most common features found in most women.

Apparently, women as mothers appear loving, caring, sharing and generous towards their kids, but the same women as a ‘wife’ is completely contradictory in conduct and manner. Majority of women have a lot of grievances against their husbands.

Not only about nagging, even many women cheat their husbands by lying beautifully about so many activities they do without the knowledge of their husbands such as going out without their husbands’ permission, spending their hard-earned money recklessly, and giving gifts to their own members of family.  Still they find shortcomings in their life-partners to pick up grudges and bitterness.  In doing so, they even manage to demonstrate themselves to be the ‘victims’ of their husbands’ callousness and negligence.

It is believed that the nagging wife is the widespread villain of married life. From the early pages of human history there is perhaps no literature and folk institution where the character of the nagging wife is not found broadly.

The most interesting about the nagging wife is that it is one of those few characters who exceed history. Like the sacrificing mother, the one-sided lover or the tragic hero, the nagging wife can be found in ancient, slave owning agricultural societies, in affluent trading primitive ones and in post-industrial deserts of contemporary West. What is it about the nagging wife which makes this character so universal and inspiring?

A nagging and complaining wife is rarely happy. She is frequently dissatisfied, and always has something to criticize about. A nagging spouse believes that her happiness depends on others. She wants her spouse to fulfil her every urge, obey her commands, grant her every wish, and ask her for life directions.

Our Prophet (pbuh) said: “The first thing a woman is called to account for on the Day of Judgment are her prayers and her relations with her husband.” (As-Suyuti in Al-Jami Al-Kabir)

In fact, the nagging wife will be found in almost all societies and cultures at all eras in history. Even in today’s advanced world, irrespective of the differences of race, wealth, faith, culture, language, the character of the nagging wife is common.

A woman in the practice of nagging will always find a reason to nag her husband. She does not try to help or find solutions, but just to find an object, like ‘you drink too much water’, ‘why you are wearing this colour of cloth’, ‘why you don’t replace this mobile’, ‘I hate the way you snore’ and so on.

She just goes on and on without realizing that no one is perfect. Even she herself is not perfect.  Nagging all the time becomes horrible and unbearable. It becomes a pain in the neck. Once a wife has acquired that nagging attitude, she just cannot wait for him to finish his dinner before attack.

We rarely hear about a nagging husband. Imagine a husband nagging his wife such as ‘you are becoming fat day by day’, ‘why you don’t learn some tips from your friend’, ‘you are very slow in cooking’, ‘why your parents visit us every weekend’ and the most annoying, ‘you spend a lot on your shopping’.

Thus the most common justification of nagging rests on psychology and its linked notion of human nature. People accept nagging, especially from wives, as an unescapable feature of the married life. Nagging, as a form of personal interaction, is restricted within the walls of the institution of marriage.

However it is assumed that most women undergo from depression in comparison to men. There could be more reasons but the most common factors that lead women to despair and dejection are the state of being in ‘nail-biting’ relationship with their husbands.

May be, it is in women’s nature to always nag and find faults in their husbands and always be complaining and counting for what they are not able to do. Whatever it may be, but it is completely against the ethics and teachings of Islam.

A Muslim wife must be always thankful to Allah and to her husband. It is her obligation to be loyal, caring, loving and sharing towards her spouse.

Since it is the woman who is believed to be the home- maker or the home-breaker, accountability doubles on her part to behave wisely.

Nagging not only affects the husband, in fact the whole family is shaken including children whose balanced bringing-up seems polluted. 

The messenger of Allah (pbuh) advised: “Evaluate yourself concerning your husband for he is your Paradise or Hell-Fire.” (Ahmad and Al-Hakim)

A woman who fears Allah must ensure her best to obey Allah and her husband, and seek his pleasures because he himself is her paradise or hell fire.

The Prophet (pbuh) said: “If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise.

He (pbuh) further exhorted: “If a woman performs the five times prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan and obeys her husband, she will enter paradise from any gate she wants.” (Ahmad)

The need of the hour for women as ‘wives’ is to look into thousands such weaknesses within and try to rectify them in order to lead a balanced life. Nagging is a psychological disease. If it is allowed to grow beyond a certain limit within a person, it leads to failure and collapse of personality. 

 

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